Funny Tinder BiosWith Help from Tinder Auto Swiper
Tinder Auto Swiper see a lot of profiles - and we have compiled a list of some of the funniest and wierdest available on tinder. Below you an upvote or downvote each profile according to how funny you find it - and if you have found something better, please upload it here!
Bio: Two truths and a lie: Hugh Jackman is my uncle. When I was 5, my brother convinced me rabbit poops were cocoa puffs and I ate them (not that bad tbh). I'm immune to poison Ivy.
Bio: On our first date I'll carve our names in a tree. It's the most romantic way to let you konw I have knives.
Bio: Every single time a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. But if a women sleeps with a lot of men, she's called a slut, and people think this is unfair... Nah. Its completely fair, and I'll tell you why, alright? 'Cause it's fucking easy to be a slut. It's fucking hard to be a stud. To be a stud you have to be witty, charming, be well dressed, have nice shoes, and a fake job. To be a slut you just have to be there. There are fat ugly sluts out there, there are no fat ugly studs.
Bio: Puppy enthusiast and frozen yogurt connoisseur. Flying the flag for Ireland in Dallas. I'm outdoorsy in the sense that I like to get drunk on patios. Ig: @jesschara
Bio: I want to sleep with you. I don't mean have sex. I mean sleep together. Under my blankets, with my hand on your chest and your arm around me. No talking, just the muffled cries that you slowely let seep away from your blood gurgelling mouth as I slit your throat and sacrifice your worthless life to the dark overlord.
Bio: Jesse Mills was a programmer who's ambitions to create a platform for local video work were tragically halted, when he wished for a genie to help him with his tinder photo. He loved to swing dance, game, write and work on wierd projects. He was kind and trusting. But you should never trust a genie. What do genies get out of being suck dicks? I don't know, but they can all get fucked. Oh, and his family loved him. Please send your condolences to his Tinder inbox.
Bio: On the topic of nude photos I'd like to remind you of a little story; In 1912 a girl had a nude photo drawn in a sketch book by a random dude that no one's ever heard of. The drawing got locked in a safe, on a boat. The boat sinks. And her nude picture still ends of on TV 84 years later! So no I will not be sending nudes. No one is safe.
Bio: Hey my name is mike I'm married with two kids. I have a tiny dick that is sti infested. My wife found my profile if you can't tell and I don't know yet that she's talking on the phone right now with one of my girls and is leaving me. I'm a peice of shit who doesn't give a flying fuck about anyone but myself. I have been talking and cheating so long don't be sad if I don'y remember your name beacause I send the same generic shit to all you girls. Feel free to blow me up with hate mail.
Bio: The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I'm singing Fergilicious and its at the part where she says "I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he's my witness" I can point to him and he'll do the little "wooOOH" part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it's stressful because right after the wooOOH I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harder then you think
Bio: Pro: not afraid of spiders Con: afraid of months Pro: can cook Con: will try to get you to do the dishes Pro: really cuddly Con: lacks personal space when asleep Pro: loves animals Con: may steal your pets Pro: has a good sense of humor Con: none. I'm funny.
Bio: I have the simplest tastes. Im always satisfied with the best. Living in Oslo. 174cm. WOrking with M&A. "An alpha female" - guy frined "blond snob" - homeless man in NYC "Makes super crispy bacon and great pancakes"-brother "Has too much energy in the morning" -female friend "Bad at lifting" -guy friend "Stop staring at me women" - random dog
Bio: Do you like dogs or girls that can't run away? Be the legman to my Wheels. I want the D...emocrats to regain control of the government. Just looking for someone to raise and axelotl with.
Bio: unemployed & mentally handicapped but otherwise a real catch. ps. r u the bottom of my laptop bc u r hot
Bio: My wife died a decade ago I like to have friends buy all mine have died my granddaughter has tinder and says its great to meet new people bless my granddaughters heart for seting me up with this.
Bio: I'm a constant work in progress. I'm not who I used to be, but every day is one day closer to what, who and where I want to be.
Bio: For the love of God, someone please date me so I can stop bringing my Mom to custume parties. 6'2
Bio: I enjoy long walks on the beach with my boyfriend, until the acid wears off and I realize i've been dragging a naked mannequin around a Denny's parking lot for 12 hours.
Bio: I hope you like alpha males becauseI'm your guy. That's right, I'm the whole package. I'll defend your honor in public, won't take shit from waiters, and I'll even get your pregnant, leave, and then come back and eat the child.
Bio: Unicyclist and avid dog petter. Soulja boi is my hero, DJ Khaled is my dad. I do anal on the first date. In dog years I am dead.
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Bio: I'm the kind of guy you can take home to your mum. She'll think I'm charming, kind... And a bit sexy. She falls in love with me... I think I feel the same. We get married. I'm your dad now. I confront you, "young lady, why do you have a Tinder account?" you are now grounded.
Bio: "A truely amazing girl." -The NYTimes "Funniest person I know!" -Louis CK "One of this generation's most brilliant minds." - Mensa International "This shick could kick my ass in a heartbeat"-Chuck Norris "By far my favourite Grandkid!" -My grandma "AAARARRRGWWWH!!!" - Chewbacca
Bio: Listen, I need to be clear about this: I think it is brave and good and pure of you to be looking for love and I know that it can be really hard and defeating at times (we've all been there) but I hope that you don't let some stupid app make you feel any less valuable, loveable and worthy then you are. We might not match, not everyone is everyones type, but I'm rooting for you and I hope you find what you're looking for.
Bio: I'm really only here because my family's beginning to think it's wierd that I keep showing up to family events like, weddings, Christmas and baby shows with my Danny Devito cutout and demanding they set a place for him.
Bio: Hello gentlemen, Look at the last girl u matched with, now look at me, now back to the girl you matched with, now back at me. Sadly, she isnt me, but if she had a costco membership, joined tri delta and we to to a top 8 public university she could be like me. Look down, now back up, where are you? You're on tinder looking for the girl of your dreams. What's that in your hand, back to me. I have it. It's ur heart, look again, I just stole ur heart. Anything is possible when you match with me on tinder.
Bio: I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some women at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a women on my watch.
Bio: If what you look for is a girl with personality then you're in luck because I have multiple -- Don't listen to her.
Bio: Don't buy Coldate whitening toothpaste. It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days. It's been 2 weeks and I'm still Asian.
Bio: Don'y swipe right, just on here to catch my lying boyfriend. Hey honey! If youre seeing this its over youre caught. Oh another thing that girl Brittney your seeing sunday at 7pm in charlottesville to catch a movie. She has showed me everything. Were besties now, bye loser!
Bio: I'm looking for a boyfirned for my grandma to take care of her and live out the rest of her days. She's a simpel women who loves Garth Brooks and the price is right. Please be extremely respectful and possibly have a dog. She loves dogs. She's a great girl with logs of love to offer.
Bio: I'm the kinda girl you can take home to your family. I wil lthen get closer to them than you are and we'll slowely phase you out.
Bio: One day I was at the grocery store and the elderly lady was in front of me and the total bill for her groceries was $300 ber her card was declined. So y'all ready know what I did 100%, God gonna bless me one day. It was a lot of groceries but I helped her put them all back.
Bio: Noteable Life Cheivements: - Can cook amazing instant noodles - Semi-professional bathroom singer - Has never been in jail before (except when playing monoploy)
Bio: Oneonta '18 Trips, slips and falls will be the title of my autobiography, I once fell backwards down stairs while giving campus tours.
Bio: Actually several thousand years old idk why it says 21 lol. Downside: I've only been nailed once. Uside: I would die for you, so you know i'm committed... Also my dad is a pretty big deal. He always beats me in dreidel. Swipe right if you need some Jesus in you.
Bio: Well i'm a fat fuck in a big truck. If we can t get a big greasy burger then we won't work. I'm 21 years old but don't let that fool you, I hve no social life like I'm 40. If me truck doesn't impress you my personality probably won't either. Welcome to the shit show. t
Bio: I hope you like bad girls because I'm literally bad at everything. Just passing through from Calgary for the holidays, say hi... unless you are my ex. In that case fuck off David its never happenning.
Bio: My brother once put me through a Christmas tree wrapping machine then my parents put me in the boot of the ride home.
Bio: Aye wassup, I'm clint, I like to take girls out for a massive plate of barbecue ribs on a first date. I just them according to how many and how aggressively they consume them. Whoever defeats me in this porcine endeavour shall become my warrior bride. My Boudicca. I'll set nations ablaze at her feet just towatch the flames dance in her eyes. Our love will be beautiful in its violence as a tempest hits the Bering Strait, and should it die; it dies as it began, with a mound of bones between us.
Bio: She kept screaming at me, "Give it to me, give it to me! i'm so fucking wet, give it to me right now." And I looked her in the eyes and said, "You can scream all you want, I'm keeping my umbrella." 6"1
Bio: Very new to Tinder. Practicing gratitude is a hobby I cultivate in my everyday life. For example, every day I am grateful my name begins with 'E' instead of an 'S'
Bio: First date ideas: - Both wear sumo suits and go to an indoor trampoline place and battle. - Buy out an entire concert so it's just us in the crowd - Skydive into our dinner reservations -Dress in a polo and khakis, go to the zoo and tell fake facts about the animals - rent a Lamborghini - Fake kidnapping in public - invaide Poland - get coffee like boring people
Bio: If your are interested, after we message for a bit, do not ask for my number, or my enemies will be alerted. Instead, head to your nearest bus stop. There will be a man reading a newspaper and wearing a gray hat. Ask him for a glass of milk. If he responds with "yes it is a cloudy day", he is my associate, and will pass an envelope containing the date and time of our meeting. If he is not there, or does not respond with that, Run.
Bio: Standing tall at 5'2" I want to do adult things with you... "whispers" taxes... "panting softly" pay the mortgage... "moans" make sure we turnd off all the lights, our utility bill was fucking $300 this month
Bio: I'm the grandma in the first picture, but after a Freaky Friday type situation caused us to switch bodies, I've been trapped inside this ugly idiot for weeks. Please help! If anyone can get me in contact with Lindsay Lohan for advice, that would be greatly appreciated.
Bio: I accidently (purposely) changed my name to Jeb Bush on Facebook in a 2AM burst of inspiration, not realizing you can't change it back for 60 days, so if that doesn't tell you enough about me as a person then I don't know what to tell you.
Bio: Went to a party dressed as an egg and got with a guy who was dressed as a chicken. A life on question was answered that night. It was the chicken...
Bio: Honestly, I'm just here looking for my parents. they disappeared one night a few years ago, and I heard I might be able to find them here. Please contact me if you have any pertinent informaiton.
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